MY AMAZING TRIP TO ITALY AND HOW TO STUFF 200 LBS OF GRIEF INTO A CARRY-ON BAG:


So, how did it get to be December!?!  I'm back from Italy almost three months now.  Time is flying. This trip I carried my grief, metaphorically speaking, in my carry-on because really, there's nothing else to do with it.  It was so much lighter on this trip.  Last year when I went to France the weight was still so heavy.  It's been three and a half years now since I lost my husband.  I can tell you that when someone you love dies, the love doesn't die. Which brings up the question, where the heck do you put it?  So far, the only answer that makes sense to me, besides your carry-on bag (haha), is to put it back into love.  Love for yourself and the life you still get to live.  Which means buy the plane ticket, buy the shoes, eat the cake, and dance like no one is watching.  They'll still be dead.  And that will always suck.  But, I have an angel on my shoulder that whispers in my ear to remind me...enjoy yourself, you're still here.

This was my first trip to Italy so I arrived early with two days to spend in Rome before meeting up with the girlies on Saturday at Romes Leonardo Da Vinci-Fiumicino Airport to head off to magical Puglia. In Puglia we visited Ostuni, Cistrenino, Polynano a Mare, Bare, Lecce, Matera, Albellobello.  I recommend them all!  These towns were incredible.  And we melted right into the vibe in every one of them.  From the people we met to the food we ate, to the ancient history we soaked up like sponges. And a special shout out to the old men that seemed to wait for us to come back each day so they could guide us into our parking spot.  Old Italian men in groups sitting or standing around seems to be a national pastime.

The 12 hour flight, the longest I've ever done solo, went smoothly and I arranged for the hotel to send a car to pick me up so there was a smiley Italian man waiting for me holding up a sign with my name on it. He spoke no English.  I also checked my carry-on bag, which I don't usually do, so that I could use the expander.  To carry on ITA Airlines they only allow 20 lbs.  But if you check a bag they allow 50 lbs. so I gave up my fear of lost luggage and hid an air tag in the lining.  I have to say getting on a plane with just a tote bag and a little cross body was really nice.  Especially since I'm 5'2 and usually can't reach the over head.  When traveling alone on a plane, make sure you have a cross body or fanny pack, something small for your valuables that you can keep on your body for when you fall asleep and when you go to the rest room. 

My first impression of Italy, very handsome men!  Like everywhere you look. Even the old ones. Seriously.  I stayed in a small boutique hotel in Rome.  I feel safer in a smaller hotel when alone in a big city.  Also, I brought a small hotel door alarm.  It's just a little battery operated wedge that you slip under the door and if anyone pushes the door the alarm goes off.  And trust me because I tested it at home, it is so loud that if it went off Interpol might show up.  The hotel was lovely and central to all the things I wanted to see like the Trevi Fountain and the Colosseum.  Rome was hot.  I got lost the first day.  I mean really lost, 30,000 steps lost!  Google maps failed me, Uber failed me, cabs were full.  My daughter actually tracked me and talked me back to my hotel from her bed in LA.  I know, pathetic.  By the time I got back to my hotel there was a cankle situation happening.  But I loved every minute of it.

Rome is vibrant!  The tourists sights get crowded.  I got up with the sun the next morning and walked to the Trevi Fountain.  I had passed it the day before in the afternoon and couldn't even see it, there were so many people.  I made sure I knew my way this time.  It was early enough so I could sit at the edge!  I channeled my inner Sophia Lauren and threw my three coins in the fountain.  I didn't realize the ledge I was sitting on was so wet. Um, yeah it's a fountain.  Nice look in my linen pants.  Then I dropped my hat in a mud puddle, but aside from wet butt and dirty hat, it was spectacular. 

That night I headed to Come na Vorta, a restaurant recommend by a Vlogger I follow and it did not disappoint.  It was the best pasta I've ever tasted.  The next day I got lost again, this time in Vatican City.  But hey, if you're gonna get lost... I've come to terms with being the kind of girl that likes to meander around a new city and make multiple cafe and gelato stops, confident that I will always find my way.  Eventually.

Saturday morning I arranged for another car from the hotel to take me back to the airport to meet the girls. The sun was just rising and the taxi drove right past the Colosseum.  The orange glow of the rising sun poured through the ancient arches, and I was in awe.  The picture doesn't do it justice but there's a Rome reel on my instagram page where you can see the sun rising right through all the arches.

I was so excited to reunite with our host, my friend Kathy, and friends from last year's trip and meet the new women joining us.  There is nothing better than girlfriends at this stage of life.  We took an hour flight to Puglia, picked up "Big White" (what we named the van) and headed to Ostuni!  A gorgeous coastal town with white washed buildings shining in the sunlight reflecting off the Adriatic Sea.  Our Air B & B was beautiful, but wasn't ready when we arrived so we found an amazing family owned restaurant near by and had a wonderful lunch.  It was the perfect start. Ostuni was fantastic and had a great vibrant town that we walked to from our place surrounded by water.  We did yoga in the morning on our deck overlooking the sea, toured medieval gardens, had charcuterie and wine off a wine truck, and I shopped like I owned Visa.

We headed out for a day trip to Cisternino and started out in an antique market.  After a cafe stop to cool off, we headed out to meet chef Fabrizio and have lunch in his gorgeous garden at his authentic Trulli home in the countryside.  His food was incredible and it just kept coming out of his little Trulli kitchen.  He was a happy man, doing what he loved and you could taste the love in every bite.  He told us his story about becoming a chef and fed us until we couldn't breathe.  Then he sent us off with more homemade goodies for breakfast the next day.  We ended the day lounging at a private beach club with the locals in Polignano a Mare.

We toured the Trulli homes of Alberobello which are gorgeous, made of limestone with domed or conical roofs dating back to the mid-14th century.  And we had the opportunity to go inside some of them.

Bari was incredible, we happened upon a wedding in the square of the Basilica di San Nicola Church, a major Christian pilgrimage site built between 1807 and 1197.  And legend has it that this is where the story of Santa developed.  The Church is so ancient, and gorgeous inside.  Our tour guide got us focaccia from the oldest bakery in Italy and we joined an old man playing street music.  And I mean joined, he gave us instruments.  I got the tambourin!  It was hilarious.  I always wanted to be Susan Day in the Partridge Family and play the tambourine.  Bari is where the the Nonna's (Italian Grandmas) make the traditional orecchiette pasta in the street and sell them by the bag full.

On to Matera! The oldest town in Italy, continually inhabited for nearly 12,000 years.  Standing on these ancient streets felt magical and sacred.  Everything was the color of sand.

In our spectacular "palace" in Lecce we had chef Roberta teach us how to make the authentic Puglia Orecchiette pasta.  We also made incredible spinach ricotta ravioli.  As a kid ravioli was my favorite food but all I knew was Chef Boyardee, usually cold straight out of the can.  I'm pretty proud of knowing how to make it from scratch now and I've made it again since I've been home.  We all LOVED Lecce so much.  Around the corner from our "palace" was the Main Street in the old town which was a combination old world Italian charm and chic hip elegance.  The restaurants were great, the shopping was amazing (me still owning Visa) and life here just buzzed with excitement.  Also, Kathy and I got to stay in the casita on the gorgeous roof top of the palace.  What a dream, waking up to church bells across the way, there was a dipping pool, and cozy seating areas.  The only challenge was to get up there. 80 steps up.  80 steps down.  You know I counted.  In the morning from the main level I'd go on the terrace and watch two elderly women neighbors chatting away in Italian while they swept their terraces.  It was like watching an old forgien movie with no subtitles.

We went back to Polignano a Mare again and spent the day on a boat touring sea caves and we had a blast. The boat captain liked high speed and loud Italian music, and so did I, who knew!  Usually I'm a bit nervous on a boat especially in the ocean.  When Mike was very sick he watched a lot of Shark Week.  I have seen every episode at least 100 times.  After that I couldn't even put my toe in the ocean.  But I got on the boat and I didn't even ask where the life vests were.  Haha, me living la vida loca!          

And of course the food!  There's just no way to describe it and even begin to do it justice. So go watch my food reel, next best thing to eating it.                                         

Usually I write everything down on a trip so I can share it with you and I planned to do that and make this a travel post where I recommend places and things to do but honestly I was having so much fun, that all went out the window. I even bought a little Vlogger video camera for this trip.  I used it once.  Documenting, which is usually my thing, gave way on this trip to being totally in the moment.  And therein lies the magic.

If you want a little more Italy I have some fun reels on my instagram @lifeinthesixo.  Sound up! 

Ciao Bella!




GRIEF CHECK IN AND MY LATE HUSBANDS DOPPELGÄNGER:

Happy September!  It's hard to feel fall vibes because it's 100 degrees here in Southern CA.  But I put a pumpkin pillow on my bench outside today, so there are signs! 

It's been a while since I did a grief update.  Here I am, almost three and a half years in.  So hard to believe.  The thing about grief I notice the most is that the world doesn't stop for it.  It goes on around you, loud, fast, and clueless.  Most people don't see it.  They just see you working, playing, smiling and expect you to keep up.  I consider myself very fortunate to have close people in my life that know my grieving hasn't stopped, it will never stop.  Through the smiles and laughter, the work, and the good times, I think all grievers are usually just one step away from being pulled down by the undertow of grief.  I don't fight it, in fact I lean into it now and let it pass through me.  Each time it leaves I'm a little bit lighter than before.  The sadness has stayed the same, but the coping has gotten easier. 

A few months ago, I was on my treadmill and I was watching a YouTube travel vlog of a walk though Paris.  Just a person with a camera who films as they walk, nothing planned, no dialogue just the sounds of the people and busy streets.  I love walking the streets of Paris, so I find it fun to watch these videos and it keeps me on the treadmill longer.  But on this day, I was stopped in my tracks.  To the point of shock that if I didn't push the EMERGENCY STOP button I would have rolled under the treadmill and gone pancake flat and kept rolling like George Jetson.  As I was watching, a man came around a corner, an identical match to My Mike.  My dead husband.  

It was winter in the vlog, at night, the street was busy and decorated for the holidays, and there he was.  Such the spitting image of him that I literally couldn't breathe.  After a moment I rewound to find him again, then again, and again.  He was with a woman, (she looked nothing like me), he grabbed her hand to get through a small crowd of people.  Mike would have done that.  He was even wearing a black leather coat identical to Mikes, still hanging in my closet. 

Some people call this a doppelgänger, a German word meaning double-walker, a non-biological look alike for another person.  I continued to frantically rewind it stopping and playing it in slow motion.  I took a screen shot and cut out the woman (of course).  I texted it to my daughter, one of Mike's sisters, and his stepmom.  I didn't say anything but "look at this picture".  The responses where, "where was this?"  "where were you guys here?", and "I never saw this picture of Mike before".  They all thought it was him. When I told them it wasn't they were shocked.  And for me, all of a sudden, I felt like my husband was alive, out there somewhere in Paris living another life without me!  It was so unsettling.  It took me about three weeks to stop thinking about jumping on an airplane to roam the streets of Paris to find this man. 

Why did I watch that particular vlog on that particular day?  And why did that particular man look exactly like my husband?  Maybe it was a reminder that life is full of unexplainable surprises and unanswered questions.  The kind that don't ever have answers.  Like why do good people die while bad people go on living.  As with grief, there are only two ways to handle the questions that will never have answers.  We except them or not.  If we accept them, we get to experience life, and hopefully joy.  If we don't accept them, these things we cannot change, we are living a life of constant soul crushing angst.  The good news is we have that choice.

I often remind myself of the quote by the 13th Century poet Rumi "The eye goes blind when it can only see why".  This quote is a reminder that sometimes there is just no rational cause or justification for something.  No answer to 'why'.   Maybe it's a call to embrace life's mysteries (whether we like them or not) rather than constantly trying to dissect them.  Which I think can drive you crazy.  

People often tell me I'm doing great.  I say thank you. They don't get it, and that's OK.  The truth is I can be happy and sad, thriving with a broken heart, traveling, working, crying, reminiscing, and making new memories and adventures.  All the things at once.  That is what makes life beautiful.  It's my grief journey.  No rules.  It's like I always say,  yes, I'm going great, but my husbands still dead.

And what fun is a blog without some pictures.  So as September rolls in here's some little bits of summer...


Protien, How Much Is Enough?

PROTEIN -  how much do we actually need? It seems like the new hot topic for us middle aged, and beyond girlies.  Getting more protein to build and maintain muscle mass. As we age we need more protein to be fit in general, and it plays an important role in keeping us healthy. And of course, none of us want our skin hanging off our bones!  And if you're trying to lose weight, (hello 10 lbs. of grief weight), protein can help.  At least I'm hoping!

Popular opinion from experts in the menopause community and various health organizations vary, with the gap between 50 - 100 grams a day.  So, what's a girl do?

Try this free calculator, just enter your stats and it will give you your range. You can also go to my bestie, Chat GPT, and get a more specific number.  Chat GPT told me100 grams per day.  Then I joined an online fitness program and the coach really analyzed my stats, (fat and all 😝).  I've never taken pictures of my fat spots for anyone before.  It was traumatic.  They may be on the dark web by now, I see blackmail in my future lol.  Anyway, her number for me is 104 grams.  We are all unique, so it helps to figure out how much works for you. 104 grams of protein per day may sound like a lot but it's really not and you can keep track until you get the hang of it with any food app. I like My Fitness Pal. (it's free), you log your food and then if you scroll down there is a tab for nutrition at the bottom and you can track your protein intake, along with everything else.  Very helpful when you're trying to lose 10 lbs. of stubborn grief fat.  

https://www.calculator.net/protein-calculator.html

I'm finding that if I incorporate a good protein along with a salad or vegetable and/or fruit at each meal and snack, I can get 104 grams.  Here are some of my go to healthy options that will give you 15 - 25 grams of protein...

BASICS

  • 3/4 cup Greek yogurt - 15-20 grams depending on the brand. I use Trader Joe's nonfat plain which gives me 17 grams in 3/4.  I add almonds, 1 tbs adds 3 more grams which make it an even 20 grams of protein.
  • 1 scoops of protein powder.  I'm currently using Truvana, it's 20 grams of protein per scoop in my morning shake.
  • I also add collagen to my shake.  I'm currently using Anthonys Collagen Peptide powder which gives me 17 grams of protein in 2 tbs.  I also add a handful of fresh spinach to my shake as well for about 1-2 grams of additional protein and then 1/2 cup of unsweetened vanilla almond milk for 1 gram.  
  • This is my breakfast and mid-morning snack so by lunch time I've already had about 60 of my 104 grams.  If I have my yummy salad (recipe below) for lunch or dinner that makes the 104 grams. Easy Peezy.
  • Lunch and Dinner are both some form of protein and salad/veggies.  Below are some basic healthy protein options I like and my favorite salad recipe.  I make the salad on Sundays and have it ready for the week.  It's great as is, and some days I add chicken breast and spinach.
  • 2 ounces of chicken = 15 grams of protein 
  • 2 ounces of salmon = 14 grams 
  • 1 cup of garbanzo beans = 20 grams
  • 1 cup off tofu = 20 grams
  • 1 can of tuna, solid white in water = 26 grams
  • 1 cup cottage cheese = 28 grams
  • 1/4 cup pistachio nuts = 6 grams
  • 1 medium avocado = 4 grams
  • 1 egg = 6 grams
  • cheese - all cheese has protein, parmesan has the highest protein content with 15 grams per ounce
Make a list of the food you like to eat and research the packages or google them for their protein count.  Then it's easy to plan your days around your protein number.

MY HIGH PROTEIN MEDITERRANEAN SALAD 

This salad has two-star ingredients, the garbanzo beans with 20 grams of protein per can, and the feta cheese with 20 grams of protein per cup. Use measurements according to your taste, if you love olives add more, if you love onions add more, etc...And you can double it for left overs because the longer it's in the fridge the better it gets.

2 can of garbanzo beans (AKA chick peas)

1-2 cucumber chopped in small pieces, I like using the small Persian cucumbers for this salad

A handful of small colorful tomatoes, if they are cheery tomatoes I cut them in half

A few green garlic stuffed olives sliced in half 

A bunch of black kalamata olives (no pits)

1/4 cup red onion diced small (again according to how much you like onion or leave it out if you don't)

Crumbled Feta, I love feta so I use 1/2 cup

DRESSING

Experiment with this, taste as you go, these measurements are if you like it zesty

  • 1/4 cup with olive oil 
  • 1/4 cup red wine vinegar 
  • 1/8 - 1/4 apple cider vinegar
  • about 1 tbs Dijon mustard, more or less depending, on how sharp you like your dressings
  • lemon juice, I use about half a lemon 
  • Put it all in a glass jar and shake it up, then pour it on the salad
  • The dressing will congeal in the fridge, just mix it up on the second and third day, (if you don't eat it all at once), it gets better and better...


Bon appetite protein style!


Navigating Grief Over The Holidays and Life Lately:

The holidays have special challenges for us grievers.  In saying goodbye to 2024 I am focused on gratitude for all that has come my way this year.  Life is good.  It's odd to say that, because, you know, my husband's still dead.  I know it's confusing and people think that if you're happy, your grief is gone.  Sadly, it doesn't work like that. 

When our loved ones die the love doesn't die, it becomes grief.  Grief is love, that's why it lasts so long, as in forever.  You can't get grief out of your heart, unfortunately, but you can navigate it out of your body so you don't get sick.

I use my crystals to help with this in a little ritual with an amethyst and rose quartz.  These are the best crystals to use when managing grief.  Hold one in the palm of each hand and feel the vibration of healing wash over you.  Ask grief to leave your body.  Breathe deeply until you feel a sense of calm.  You can also put these crystals under your pillow.  Grief is a robber of sleep.  Under your pillow crystals can improve the quality of your sleep, protect you from negative energy, and promote personal growth.  Growing through grief will show you how strong and resilient you are.  I'll be adding some crystal healing rituals to Gretta in Gratitude in 2025.  

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here and coming back to read my blog when there's a new post.  If just one person takes something away that resonates for them it makes me so happy.  I recently wrote a long post in my women's grief group.  It was funny and I was hoping it would give some of them a laugh.  Well, it spurred on a huge conversation that by the end of the day that had reached over 300 of them and some said it was the first time they laughed since their husbands died.  It made me so happy.  Laughter is the best medicine and happiness is healing.  Choose it.

Here's a bit of what things look like around here lately.  I guess you could say that I'm a holiday decorating over achiever...


Wishing You The Merriest of Holidays And An Incredible 2025!
May All Your Dreams Come True.